Do I Get A Turn?

As I sit in the waiting room, waiting, I obviously have a lot of time on my hands.  A lot of time on my hands means a lot of time to think.  Which is never a good thing for me.  One of my step-sons has just come out of surgery and they have brought him to his room.  As I, his step-mother for the past 5 years and in his life for 2 before that, wait in the waiting room, his mother insists that her best-friend and brother be with her.  My husband is in there too.  I on the other hand am in the waiting room all by my lonesome.  I begin to wonder why my husband isn't insisting that I be by his side in this particular situation.  Why am I not given a turn to be with my step-son?  It isn't like I am here for my own health.  It isn't like I haven't been there for him these past 7 years.  Why does no one think I have any rights in this situation?  I understand perfectly well that I am not his mother, nor am I saying that I should have the same rights.  I am saying that as a step-parent, a step-parent who has been very involved in my step-son's lives, there should be some respect and courtesy given to me.  However, there isn't any.  Sometimes not even from my husband, this is a prime example of that.  Everyone always says that I knew what I was getting into when I started dating my husband.  Another one is that I have two children of my own that I have to worry about and to stop worrying about the three that aren't mine.  Yes, I did know what I was getting into, but it wasn't always like this.  There is no fine print to read before entering a relationship with someone who has children with someone else who they were also married to.  When you love someone you don't think about the hardships that could happen in the future.  And yes, I do have two beautiful children of my own with my husband.  But before those two children came, there were only my three step-sons.  Three boys who I came to love very much in a very short amount of time, who I would do anything for.  Not just because I love their father, but because I love them.  They are my family.  Why does no one see that?  Why is it so hard to understand?  Why do people look upon it as a bad thing?  They have grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles and cousins who love them too.  Why is it such a taboo that I, again their step-mother for the past 5 years and in their life for 2 before that, love and care for them too?  So can anyone tell me, when is it my turn?

One Day I Will Be Gone...

...but remember I loved you.
I loved you with every smile you gave me.
I loved you with every little kiss.
I loved you with all your hugs.
I loved you when you would wake me up in the early hours of the morning.
I loved you when you would wake me in the middle of night to snuggle into my bed.
I loved you when you told me stories.
I loved you when you asked me to scratch your back.
I loved you when you would talk through a whole movie.
I loved you when you wanted to brush my hair.
I loved you when you didn't listen to me.
I loved you when I put you in time out.
I loved you when I had to shut off the TV.
I loved you when I wouldn't let you play outside.
I loved you when I couldn't wake up in the morning.
I loved you when I couldn't take care of you.
I loved you when you knew something was wrong with mommy.
I loved you more than life itself, more than my own.
When I saw you two for the first time, I knew what true love was.
I will never love another like I love the two of you, it isn't possible.
You two could never be replaced.
So please remember, one day I will be gone, but I always, always loved the both of you.